2007 SE, 195K mi

Video/Audio of Car Not Starting

Car wouldn't start this cold morning. No lights, no sounds, nothing happened when I tried to crank the engine. No clicking sounds, no lights came on when I opened the door.

I removed the battery and took it to AutoZone. Left it there for 30 minutes and they said they were able to fully charge it after 30 minutes and their tester said the battery was good.

Came back home, put in the battery, still no action.

I brushed off the terminals, tightened the terminals as much as I possibly could, scrubbed off a little corrosion from the part of the positive cable that was somewhat exposed (though, there still seems to be some corrosion in the cable. But I'm not sure it's enough for the battery to not power the car... but you would have to tell me... see here).

I've gotten some suggestions to check the fuses but according to this fuse diagram for Honda Accords, there is no fuse for the battery (scroll down to "2007 section). Or should I be considering another fuse that's involved with powering the car...? Again, you'd have to tell me!

I have a multimeter coming in the mail now so I can start properly testing things...

Could I be dealing w/ a bad starter? Alternator? Or is it likely a bad battery? If I do find out out that it was a bad battery, how on earth did AutoZone equipment charge and test my battery but still give a false reading?

Thanks for reading this and responding!!

UPDATE: multimeter arrived. If I'm using this correctly, this video is showing that the battery has .53 volts... Either AutoZone attempted (or lied about) the battery charge and it still needs charging or they did charge the battery but the battery is still no good... In the meantime, I'm going to use my

portable battery charger

portable battery charger

to see if the battery will charge overnight...

UPDATE 2: someone said I've likely been testing with the multimeter incorrectly b/c a ".53" battery charge makes no sense whatsoever... Anyway, I've got the battery on my portable charger. Will check it in the morning. In the meantime, I'm looking into the engine's fuse box. I want to pull out the main fuse to inspect it but the screws holding it in are stripped... I have a screw extracting kit but I'm hesitant to use it...

UPDATE 3: Battery still isn't working this morning and I'm still not sure if I'm using this multimeter to measure the charge correctly. I also inspected the main fuse up close and it's not blown. I need to watch this YouTube video to make sure I'm using this multimeter correctly... But it all seems to come down to this battery and whether its good or not but I'll keep trouble-shooting.

 

See how many volts are dropping between the post and that cable.
One probe on the top of the post and the other where that pitiful arrow points.
This will show you how much you are losing through that connection.
My guess you are losing it there.

 

UPDATE 2: someone said I've likely been testing with the multimeter incorrectly b/c a ".53" battery charge makes no sense whatsoever... Anyway, I've got the battery on my portable charger. Will check it in the morning. In the meantime, I'm looking into the engine fuse box. I want to pull out the main fuse to inspect it but the screws holding it in are stripped... I have a screw extracting kit but I'm hesitant to use it...

 

UPDATE 3: Battery still isn't working this morning and I'm still not sure if I'm using this multimeter to measure the charge correctly. I also inspected the main fuse up close and it's not blown. I need to watch this YouTube video to make sure I'm using this multimeter correctly... But it all seems to come down to this battery and whether its good or not but I'll keep trouble-shooting and researching.

 

You don't check fuses by looking them and you are using equipment you don't know how to work. Take it somewhere. You seem lost.
That connection you were going to check. My money is on the corroded cable end but you can't even do a simple test of that. How are we supposed to help you?